Andrew Stein '06: If being awkward is cool, I'm Miles Davis - Columns

Andrew Stein '06: If being awkward is cool, I'm Miles Davis - Columns

i love/hate awkwardness. it's ridiculously funny though.
i'm having geometry dreams again.
have also decided to come up with a weekly mantra.

i guess the funny thing about love is that there is nothing like it. Once you have tasted something so pure and soft and so luminescent, there is no way to ever return to the life you must live. You can try as you might, to shut it out or break it apart, but even scattered or scoured or analyzed, love holds powers divine. Because every moment of love feels like the first.
Love punctures our hearts, but mends them as well. It yields its power as our creator and our destroyer, but only with love can we ever truly begin to live. It is not enough to live life, but to love life.
Though we may realize the many woes of our world, we must realize the beauty, the love. And we must mend the weak and the suffering with all of the love in our hearts. Because love is ever growing and there is always more that may be produced.
I am still young, and I know little of love, but I know that it may just be the most powerful force in the world.

I've loved only once. but i know this to be true.

Ananth, my friend

I wrote this for my grandfather.. who's been slowly deteriorating my whole life. I wrote this when my father left a few weeks ago to see him in India. Possibly for the last time.



Please sir, if I could have a moment of your time...
although the sands are thinning
and the end is near, i fear

I don�t know if you remember, but are you the man in the photographs?
Could you tell me how it is that man paved his path?
Could you teach me all your secrets and fill my head with lies?
Could i pull you out of your tragic disguise?

If it�s not too much trouble, could I hear your voice?

Oh I can�t.
I understand. it�s not your choice.

Is there anyway at all that I could make you smile?
Maybe just once?
As a trial?
You were brilliant once, I know.
It wasn�t just a dream...
is this some kind of scheme?
Remove your mask...it was all an elaborate hoax.
or a nightmarish sleep..

That�s what I wish the most.


..but I wish it could be you, yourself, that I missed the most

I�m afraid I never got the chance
I spent all my eager young days
conspiring to whip you out of your trance

Could I embrace you once more?
Yes, I understand that you�re sore
I hope forever warm, you stay,
I�m glad we met today

Please understand that I wished to be your friend.. though have probably not succeeded
Goodbye..is this the end?

Is this the world we created?

oh god, why is there so much death and destruction in this world? why can't we all be the people that we were before hate and discord corrupted us? if i had one wish right now... i would make this place better... but if i'm the only one dreaming than is there any hope? But I know I'm not. But most people will care, but will forget about it. Put it outside of their thoughts. But if more people could think about it? How come it only hits us when it hurts us? Than suddenly is it important? It's not that we couldn't help it if we tried, it's just that they don't, they won't try. Why?
Why? I mean, any of the people affected by the horrible happenings in our world could just as easily be one of us. I really don't understand it. Why doesn't anyone care about anyone else anymore? IS it because it's not their problem? Everyone's problem is everyone's problem. And you'd only truly understand that if you have been hurt before. I'm sick of everyone and everything suffering internally on their own, just because no one can be bothered to do something about it. There are people who don't have a person in the world who cares for them. Why? Doesn't everyone deserve love and comfort? Why can't more people care?

Queen lyrics that describe:
Just look at all those hungry mouths we have to feed
Take a look at all the suffering we breed
So many lonely faces scattered all around
Searching for what they need
Is this the world we created?
we made it on our own
Is this the world we devastated? Right to the bone
If there's a God in the sky looking down
What must he think of what we've done
to the world that he created?

John Lennon lyrics:

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
No religion too
Imagine all the People
Living life in Peace
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us and the world will be one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
sharing all the world
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Forgot What I Got

I wrote this song today. I was in a pissy mood after something someone had said to me and I was upset upon realizing that I'm a lot less aware of others than I like to believe. I actually wrote music this time. Well I didn't write it. But I know it. I wrote this while listening to Quadrophenia by the Who, which I just tracked down. Have the odd feeling that I may be quadrophenic. Words and Music(yay!) by Aarushi

I didn’t know to consider
That I didn’t deserve to have better
Than those around me
Raised to believe
To expect the best
Never had to test

Dreamed I was amazing
In my own right
Believed I was gazing
At my own rights
Never expected to realize
That it somehow wasn’t true
That my self-help was making others blue

That I should stop for a moment
Make other’s loads lighter
That everything I was doing
Wasn’t making smiles brighter

I lived for others
Or so I thought
Seemed to have forgotten
The things I got
Didn’t see
The things that were done for me
I took for granted
The life I received
That surpassed so many other peoples’ dreams
I loved for others
I longed for others
Forgot what I got

Held myself and others like me
In high regard
Didn’t think for a moment
That it might be hard

To be someone differently
To build a brand new respect for the people
Facing changes and challenges unknown
And though my heart was bleedin’
I could still hear my thoughts impedin’
the perfect lie, I’d told myself
<>
I forgot what I got…
Lived for others- forgot what I got

<>

What A Pity

Wrote these lyrics on Friday.. Just built up anger at the state of the world and the lack of women's rights, even today. Words by Aarushi. Once again no music yet.

It’s a rusty slum where she sits waiting
A lass of only 16
She’d never had a sip of wine
And she had never been
Away from her way of life
No hopes of escaping

It’s an ordinary day- anticipating
What she’s going to be
She’d forever try
To reach ages she’d never been
Wouldn’t walk away from any guy
Now that’s some kind of raping

No hope for you here, my dear
Love and laughter has disappeared
What a pity
Too bad you’re pretty
No one can help you here
Oh, darling what a beautiful face
Too bad about your fall from grace
What a shame that you’re in pain
What a pity
Too bad you’re pretty

She’s late again
But this time it’s serious
Parents are furious
She doesn’t want to speak too soon
Spending every moment looking over her shoulder
It’s just too bad that nobody told her

<>

She’s falling through
Another hopeless case
No longer pretty face
It doesn’t make sense
He took away her innocence
Gave her something
She never deserved
Now she’ll always have to serve

<>

Loopholes and Manhole Covers

Words by Aarushi. No music to speak of yet. Just lyrics, you know. Chorus is italicized and then later referred to by these thingies <> . Because if I'm ever gonna be a rock star I have to start somewhere. Not that this is where I'm starting. No, actually I started when I was eight. But that's too much info. Feedback please.


My eyelids are beginning to droop
I feel my tongue speaking sooth
Songs of lust and woe fill my mind
I no longer care
I no longer dare
To describe the expressions in song

My mind is filled
A gas chamber of negative outbursts
Paraphernalia consists of
a Dusty foam
a simple chrome
Covers the fact that I am


Loopholes and manhole covers
Hold only contempt for me
Try to keep control of my bitterness
Keep me from being cruel
I’m a maharani sometimes
But most times a fool


Mind aches with expectations
With no reciprocation
It’s all been done
There’s no more fun
There’s no more love to spare

<>
But most times a fool

With Our Eyes

I submitted this for our school poetry project. I wrote it after seeing a fucking awesome spoken word performance and got inspired.
Why
Why
Why is it that we look at only what we see?
Because we look with our minds
And not our eyes, we miss things
You agree?

You miss the fact
That we’re all human
We’re not made to always please

You miss the fact
That I am you and you are I,
And both of us
Are we

But that’s not how we think,
Because it all seems so different
So independent, so free

But you see we’re all the same,
Just different types and flavors

You miss the fact
That it doesn’t matter
What I or you believe
If it serves the same purpose in the end

Why is it you grieve?
Is it because you’re sad, or in pain just like me
We all grieve the same,
We all believe the same
If we get there in the end

Can’t you see
That we all see
But we do it differently

Different colored looking glass
Different colored looking glass
Different colored looking glass
Same image to see

Same view of hope for the future
But holding to the past
Same view of wanting to be better
But not too much
Too Fast

Same subtle signs of rebellion
Same thoughts of incoming light
Same wishing and hoping that
Some day, some way
We could no longer face our plight
We see people all around us
Why don’t they understand?
Don’t they see
Don’t they know
They’re just listening to the man?

But no, do we?
Do we understand them?
or Do we wish them pain?
Like the so-called pain that they give us?

Do we take the time to listen
To what they want to say
Or do we tell them what they want to hear
Just so that they’ll walk away

Do you see the people crying?
The kids sitting all alone?
The girl staring at her phone?
That we’re all slowly dying…
In worlds of our own

But joining the worlds
An impossible task
Some may say,
I’m no idealist

A realist, an optimist
But still I feel kind of pissed
When I think of how much things could be better
And so many tears would be spared

If we all took the time,
To stop being blind
To stop seeing with our mind

To deny ourselves the right to bias
To break down the wall that divides us
To thank those people who provide us
With the outlets that we need
And to search for truth together
It sounds stupid, but whatever
To break the rules
That this oath defies
And see with our eyes

Feedback is appreciated.

Yeah, um, I wrote this um, today... Just kind of a venting exercise.

Dissolve into tears
Just be dramatic
Manipulative behavior

You stopped hiding your problems
You tried not to be alone
You’re happy, you think

She’s got tears of her own now
And you’re too grown up not to care
You hold it in
Prevent a scene

Care too much
Break your heart
So cliché, just not the same

Try so hard
But don’t achieve
Just not yourself anymore

It’s unpleasant.
But it’s your life
The way it is before your face

Advice columnists, best friends, TV shows
Do their best to comprehend
But the problem’s deeper

Hold it in for the sake of others’ tears
Hold it in because you always were the strong one
Cut your skin
Don’t assign blame
Drink up
Doesn’t matter anymore


You’re not another charity case
Don’t want to live anymore
So sick of being so ignored

Wish your mind could be read
Feel like you’re better off dead
Then maybe they would care just a little

So you hold your heart
You hold your thoughts
And dismiss it in a dream
It’s not your fault
Don’t want to die
Just another drama queen